Carpe Diem

Photo

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 16:09:19 -0500

Dean- (my college essay before I knew what a college essay was)

Sun, 07 Oct 2012 00:50:55 -0400

“Are you happy?” That is a question no one really ever asks, and it catches people completely off guard. In fact, many people aren’t happy; they’re satisfied, which is a completely and utterly different thing. However, this year I have had the experience of meeting someone who is truly happy with everything in their life.

All my life I have been surrounded with the same kind of people. Amazing people, smart people, great people who all strive to excel. People who want to become successful, get a high paying job, make a lot of money, settle down, retire at 35 as millionaires. And I’ve gotten used to that ideal, that dream of perfection. It was not until I met Dean that I began to wonder what success means. Rich businessman who knows what he wants and how to get it? Not at all. Dean is a musician, lives in a tiny loft he shares with his roommates, writes lyrics and draws for a living, travels to tiny sponsored events to share his art, and is honestly the best person I have ever met in my life. On the surface, it is easy to miss the wonder of the world Dean has built for himself. Instead of driving a Cadillac, he drives an old truck that he bought with the money he saved from his performances, he rarely ever cooks and his fridge is constantly empty, and he struggles to make ends meet almost every month. Ironically, though, Dean is absolutely fine with the life he has chosen for himself. He has pursued his true passion, going down the risky, rocky road of an artist. I have never met someone so free willed, so laid back, and so cheerful as him. At 25 years of age, having gone to a great college, finishing with a degree in visual arts, he is completely content and thrilled with the path he has chosen, and who’s to tell him that it’s wrong? He does whatever he pleases, tours, travels, plays his guitar, and holds 3 small art handling jobs to pay for the expenses.

It’s strange, as if he is immune to the harsh realities of the world. Rarely in life do we meet someone so happy-go-lucky as Dean. Nothing hurts him, nothing bothers him. I don’t understand the way his mind works, or what he’s thinking at times, and I don’t think anyone does. It’s as if he’s designed differently, his mind a complex machine no one can quite figure out. Being around him, people are reminded of the traveling souls we meet and bond with on occasion, a fleeting chance we get sometimes, a look into something deeper,..and the next day they’re somewhere else, always searching, traveling, discovering, sharing some of themselves with the people they meet. Sitting on a wooden bench, along with 3 other people, in the hot, crowded venue, I was taken aback by the flow of overwhelming emotions that connected everyone there. His music seemed to possess a life of its own, blowing us, like leaves on a windy day, in whichever direction the song went. His sincerity and appreciation of life created a mood of fulfillment and joy. That’s an experience all of us in that venue shared that Saturday night. Little by little, I became aware that I was one of the few lucky people he had let into his intriguing world. I was in a trance, taking in every detail, every word, discovering life as if for the first time. I had long been drawing, doodling in my spare time, but his work had truly inspired me and at that moment, I acquired a much deeper appreciation for art and wanted to show what I was capable of. Rather than wonder if it was destiny that drove me to cross paths with Dean, I think of it as a coincidence in the long chain of events in life. A coincidence that has changed my life.

His walls are covered with random scribbles, drawings, and tunes he jots down whenever a new thought comes to mind. He is a walking paradox, trying to organize his thoughts, while wishing to stay completely immersed in new ones. He is also among the very few people nowadays who honestly care more about how a person is inside, rather than outer appearances. Dean himself, is a highly creative, talented, and artistic individual, and that’s exactly his appeal: his pure, infectious joy and the plain simplicity he finds beauty in. His music is his true passion, and his folksy and melodic lyrics are about everything and anything he cares about; they’re raw, touching, powerful, full of emotion, and seem to magically express the feelings that many of us experience, but just don’t know quite how to put it into words. And the truth is, he cares a lot about his art, his films, his songs, what people see. He wants to make a change, and doesn’t seem to notice that he makes a change every day. His countless performances in dusty venues and local shows tap into the hearts of listeners, the innocence of their childhood and imagination, that the stress of every day life makes easy to forget.

Dean is the most alive person I’ve ever met. He sincerely lives his life to the fullest and enjoys every millisecond of it. He finds happiness in the smallest things, compiles it into something greater, and allows other people to notice and enjoy it. He gives off a radiant aura of safety, calmness, and at the same time, excitement of life in the midst of this chaotic world we live in. His lifestyle and the way he perceives everything is so much different from what the cliche “happy life” is believed to be. I once asked Dean whether he ever gets scared of how his life is developing. He simply replied that he is doing something he really loves, he’s exactly at the point in his life where he wants to be at, and so he basically has everything he’s ever wished for, how many people can actually say that?

I guess happiness is what different people define it as. I admire that he is not scared of taking that risk, of not striving for that perfect image. Practice makes perfect, people say, but nobody is perfect. He had no guarantee, no sign that said everything will work out. All he had, was a dream, faith, and a chance, and he took it, and made it his career. And although I can never imagine myself living the same way as him, this meeting has made me realize that the best goal to have in life is to be happy. Without that, a person has nothing. I realized that it is okay to take a leap, take a risk, even if you’re not sure if it will work out exactly the way you want it to. I read somewhere, that the biggest risk in life is to risk nothing at all, and I completely believe this. And although my idea of success might be a little different than Dean’s, I know someone else’s idea of success will be different from mine as well. But that’s the beauty in it: the uniqueness of the paths we have the potential to carve for ourselves, the infinite different ways we can construct our lives, and most importantly, the choices we make to do what we truly believe will make life worth living and enjoying.

Photo

Sat, 06 Oct 2012 19:53:38 -0400

teenagestereotypes: totheguiltyandthehollow: wreckranger: demi...

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 16:31:40 -0400

teenagestereotypes:

totheguiltyandthehollow:

wreckranger:

demidevieevee:

mycroftsangeleyes:

futurefantastic:

charmingsalamander:

ellabiscuits:

too-midget-for-you:

mandimorphine:

bonersauruson:

paula266:

isayrather:

“The Egg” by Andy Weir

You were on your way home when you died.

It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.

And that’s when you met me.

“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”

“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.

“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”

“Yup,” I said.

“I… I died?”

“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.

You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”

“More or less,” I said.

“Are you god?” You asked.

“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”

“My kids… my wife,” you said.

“What about them?”

“Will they be all right?”

“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”

You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”

“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”

“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”

“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”

“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”

You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”

“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”

“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”

“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”

I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.

“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”

“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”

“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”

“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”

“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”

“Where you come from?” You said.

“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”

“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”

“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”

“So what’s the point of it all?”

“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”

“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.

I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”

“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”

“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”

“Just me? What about everyone else?”

“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”

You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”

“All you. Different incarnations of you.”

“Wait. I’m everyone!?”

“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.

“I’m every human being who ever lived?”

“Or who will ever live, yes.”

“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”

“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.

“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.

“And you’re the millions he killed.”

“I’m Jesus?”

“And you’re everyone who followed him.”

You fell silent.

“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”

You thought for a long time.

“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”

“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”

“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”

“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”

“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”

“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”

And I sent you on your way.

Will always reblog this. It’s probably my favorite thing in the universe.

What in the…oh God gracious from all heavens on earth Jesus Fuck of all things glorious. What is this mind blowing thing I’ve just read? This is beautiful, this is…this is…Fuck this, I’m not even trying to find a word that surely doesn’t even exist to describe this.

I love this story to death.

COOOOL

I find this truly fascinating, and I want to go off on a huge rant about how brilliantly interesting and philosophical it is, but I don’t have the time to write a million, billion words so I’ll just try for a paragraph.

The idea that we’re all one in the same is magnificent; it means there’s no difference between us. We are everyone and no-one at the same time. It’s a walking, talking, thinking, feeling paradox that keeps on building and building and it isn’t at all a problem because we don’t know we’re a paradox till we’re not.
The idea that the entirety of human history is akin to the development of a child in the womb is beautifully poignant. It doesn’t matter what you believe in because, in the beginning, we’re still developing and learning and growing as a person.
We’re learning, slowly but surely, that just because I know something doesn’t mean I can abuse it, that just because I see something doesn’t mean I can own it, that just because I want something doesn’t mean I can have it.

Cogito ergo sum - I think therefore I am.
Never has a philosophical statement been more accurate in my opinion than this right now. We think we are important therefore we are. We think we are many therefore we are. We think, we think, we think - but really it’s never been anything other than I.

WELL SHIT

Is it getting solipsistic in here or is it just me?

my head just went boom.

All my followers, you NEED to read this. seriously, its amazing!

This is beautiful.

I wonder if it’s possible to push down feelings for so long that they go away one day. but...

Sat, 03 Mar 2012 19:51:15 -0500

I wonder if it’s possible to push down feelings for so long that they go away one day. but like really go away.

Photo

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 19:26:01 -0500

Photo

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 01:44:25 -0500

Santa Dancy! <3333

Sun, 25 Dec 2011 15:30:00 -0500

Santa Dancy! <3333

thinking back

Fri, 09 Dec 2011 14:43:24 -0500

i can currently do one of two things: either study psych, the prostitution chapter lol, OR write a deep tumblr post….so…. prostitutes can wait.

so i just got back from aruba and i go there every year with my parents. this trip was always at the absolute most needed times in my life, no joke. lol i was either too stressed or too tired, or mad at someone, or lost in decisions, idk. something was always there that i wanted to get away from for a week.

except this year.

this year i was not stressed, not tired, not sad, not mad lmao i was perfectly fine (which is strange because its the week before finals) but nonetheless it was a great trip. i also came to think of a few things, and its a weird sort of realization.

this moment last year, i was in high school, going crazy over ap’s, prom business, dress, shoes, etc. all this stuff that seems already like a far away memory in a way (sadly), was so fresh in my mind at the time. i was so caught up in everything that i can only think back on now! its really crazy how time goes on, and how memories that you told yourself you’d never forget, are already hazy. and im not talking about only senior year, just all the years of high school, starting from freshman year. this time last year in aruba i was thinking of what college would be like, i was buying souvenirs for people who are so distant now, i was concentrating on what prom buses would be like! ahh lol it’s crazy, i keep saying that. and fast forward, only 365 days (or close to that number) later and i’m thinking of what to do at my dorm, what internships i should apply for, maybe a job?, pouring over my studying on the entire 4 hour flight.

aruba was always a marking point. it’s seriously like a psychological reflectance period in my life, lol while drinking 45462456 pina coladas a day. aruba,…see you next year?

Never would I have thought when I first met you that I would be saying this, but I am so thankful...

Mon, 14 Nov 2011 03:01:09 -0500

Never would I have thought when I first met you that I would be saying this, but I am so thankful things didn’t go further. You’re not a bad person, just not my cup of tea :] I thought you were , but then again I knew you for such a short period of time, not even a month. Those guys that mess it up for other guys- the ones u talked to me about-…lol guess what buddy…

But I’m not complaining! I’m making this post just as a victory to me. There is only one other person IN MY LIFE who made me more upset and down, and miserable than you. That week when I was upset over you, let me say was bad. People who I didn’t even know that much helped me more than I ever knew someone could, by talking. What happened with you snowballed with all the change in my life, and class stress, and just made a bad week. I was scared of myself. Mostly of my thoughts. I literally treasured the moments I had nothing on my mind to catch some sleep because that whole week, I could not sleep, which made me a zombie during the day. I couldn’t pour myself tea because my hands kept shaking. I called my friend asking what went wrong, and she helped more than she will ever know. My mom would stay up on the phone with me until 2 am, telling me I was being silly. I started taking vitamin B to be happy.

And then out of nowhere, I picked myself up. I don’t know how but I did and now I’ve met so much amazing people. I’m literally overcome by how many people I love here! And much of this, thanks to what happened.

So basically, this is a post to remind myself (whenever I look back on my tumblr) that there is a silver lining, always :]

And as for you, I hated that you had that much of an effect on me, but that effect only helped me I realize now. I was never like that before I met you, and I hate the person I was when we were close.

And so, never thought I’d say this but thanks for teaching me something. Not sure what it is yet, but maybe one day I’ll figure it out. It makes me feel so strong not to care. I love it. And thanks for the time too, it wasn’t too shabby.

Photo

Sun, 23 Oct 2011 14:36:14 -0400

Photo

Fri, 21 Oct 2011 04:32:23 -0400

lol.

Fri, 05 Aug 2011 15:50:18 -0400

lol.

Photo

Fri, 05 Aug 2011 15:31:28 -0400

It's decided. I'm taking the Amtrak to somewhere within the next few months.

Sat, 23 Jul 2011 00:49:02 -0400

15. The best thing to happen to you this week

Sat, 23 Jul 2011 00:47:26 -0400

UGHGHJDFJHSFBRGHHHHHH I AM SO FUCKING TIRED that i dont even know what to do but make a tumblr post. honestly.

the best thing to happen to me this week was me going to upstate. i legitimately wanted to cry tears of joy when i realized i could go. if it’s possible to love a place, i love that place completely. it is honestly the only place where i can spend not doing anything, not thinking about anything, it’s all mine. just me. and my thoughts. just kidding. no thoughts; just me. I have never been so confused and tired before, everything just seems to feel like a whirlpool and I am so tired. i feel like im wasting my time on something that means literally the world to me. it means everything to me. and i can’t stop thinking of it, dont wanna stop, etc. upstate, all i did was swim, row boats, run, take walks. it was amazing, cleansing, (any other adjective i can use to make it sound like a frickin getaway to the caribbean). If someone came up to me and asked if I wanna live there, it would be quite a choice.

Photo

Fri, 22 Jul 2011 18:22:28 -0400

Photo

Thu, 21 Jul 2011 01:26:55 -0400

"The saddest people I’ve ever met in life are the ones who don’t care deeply about anything at all...."

Thu, 21 Jul 2011 01:18:34 -0400

“The saddest people I’ve ever met in life are the ones who don’t care deeply about anything at all. Passion and satisfaction go hand in hand, and without them, any happiness is only temporary, because there’s nothing to make it last.”

my dad just laughed at me for always trying to see the good in people…lol oh?

Fri, 15 Jul 2011 01:46:35 -0400

my dad just laughed at me for always trying to see the good in people…lol oh?